OW! My eye!

Well how about that? I found a new and unexpected way to hurt my vital organs last night.

Ok, technically my eyes aren't a vital organ, and I didn't even indirectly cause harm to them.

A little backstory is in order to bring you up to speed: My best friend since I was young and stupid have never grown up, especially when we get together. We both find it hilarious to blindside the other with a flying elbow to the side of the other's unsuspecting head when the mood strikes us. We're both damn near 50 years old and realize this is unacceptable behaviour even for monkeys, let alone for supposed civilizied human beings. But still we do it because...well, because it's really fucking funny to watch someone's jaw become unhinged while he's trying function. It's funny when you're 16, and it's still funny when you get old. When you get old it just becomes a bit more dangerous, you know , broken hips and all.

Our friendship is the reason I've had multiple concussions in my life. When I was 19 he gave me a full force blow to the head with a WW I German army helmet because my head was sitting there looking like a big pumpkin that needed to be hit with a WW I German army helmet. It was about that point that the game was on. What proceeded was 30 years of us surprising the other with random and pointless violence.

We tend to twitch around each other a lot. Go figure.

Which brings me to tonight. His daughter (My Niece) saw something on Youtube about mixing glitter with the stuff from glow sticks. She mixed them together and spun around her bathroom like a sprinkler coating the walls with glowing sparkly shit. She then invited us in to her dark bathroom to inspect her artwork. It was actually pretty awesome and all I could think was "Thank God I don't have to clean this mess up."

While I was admiring her cleverness in the dark, my buddy had foul intentions. He ran his hand down the wall and had a handful of glitter and glowing chemicals. He smacked me in my wide open eye with this foul concoction, I didn't even have time to dodge the blow. I had an eyefull of glitter and glow in the dark.

I'm not one to bitch and complain and as much as my eye hurt I wasn't going to say shit, that would be admitting he got the better of me and that's kind of what the whole game is about...never admit the shit hurts. About half an hour later another guy that was over at the house looked at me and said "What the hell is wrong with your eye?"

I replied as calmly as I could "It's nothing."

He continued to stare at me and said "Your eye looks like a ping pong ball!"

Yeah, my right eye was swelled up and looking rather ping pongy, not to mention veiny as it tried to explel the combination of glitter and quite possibly radioactive glowy shit. Hell, I'm used to questioning stares while people wonder what the hell I might've done to myself, so I paid no heed and then...

My buddy finally looked at me and said "Oh shit! I'm sorry."

This was not good news, we never apologize to one another no matter what kind of bloody mess we may have inflicted on the other. It was about this time I began to worry.

My eyes searched the room like some kind of fucked up chameleon...my normal eye went one way, the other was frantically searching for something tangible to focus on like a London searchlight  looking for enemy bombers during the German blitzkrieg.

"Uh, I need to go home," I said as I excused myself , "I think I'm going to bleed to death out my eyes."

That statement probably left my friends as confused as I was, but fuck 'em...they weren't facing the very real fear that they may bleed to death because their eyes might be radioactive.

In the end I got home, flushed my eye out with cool soothing water and things got pretty much back to normal.

Normal, except for the fact that my eye glowed all night like some un-Godly nightlight and kept me awake until the sun rose.