Beer makes for great ideas

I hadn't planned on writing anything else, but then I had a thought....

You know how that weird Indian dude used to drive around in Oregon with his equally weird followers falling to their knees and spitting at each other hoping to swallow some of the dust his Rolls Royce kicked up? They were just a bit fucked in the head weren't they? Well that gave me an idea. History is littered with the bodies of the insane succumbing to those who had just a glimmer more of intelligence.

No, I'm not going to provide references. I'm not on trial here.

Anyways, that's beside the point...here's my plan:

* Start a completely fucked up church with a doctrine so screwed up no one can make head or tails of it. Then if people are fighting over eating the dust from my car and acting like primal monkeys for the right to do so I think I may have a ripe bunch of idiots to be my followers.

* If you're worth over $100K, you can join my church.

* You must sign everything over to me...errr... "The Church"

* If you're worth under $100K. Fuck you.

* Unless you are a hot girl with tits out to here...*Holding my hands out as far as they can reach*

* Fuck that. If your tits defy gravity you're in, 100K or not. Unless you're a guy. Dear God man, go drink some Slim Fast and get the hell out of your parent's basement. And for God's sake keep your shirt on, no one wants to see that shit.

What's expected of you:

* Pretty much horrible poverty.

* Running water will happen when it rains. I tell God when to bring the rains.

* Electricity? Hahahahaha....ummmm no

* You kiss the ground when I drive by on my tractor until we can buy a Rolls Royce. For me. Then you'll kiss the ground thanking our 6 legged God with 2 heads, one thats spews out fish entrails (I hate that head) for providing me with a big expensive car and yourself with that huge carrot that you pulled up this morning. Then you'll go home and eat carrot soup with your wretched and stupid family that actually thinks carrot peelings and boiled water=carrot soup.

Yep...only $100K a head and I ...errr...by "I" I mean it in a spiritual way to include all of us, however I won't be eating the mud and dust thrown up by my tractor. That is a special privilege for the pilgrims. That would be you.

Mud Licker.

That's just a euphemism for "Bless you." I swear.

Send your money to Church of Toytoy (Big fucking car fund)3242 Some field, Somewhere, MS.