Banned from the NBA

Apparently people are actually reading these musings. I may have to take the time to actually write things out before I post them instead of just blathering away.

I'll look into that sometime, just not today.


My mouth and imagination can be a wondrous thing. They get me into trouble and just as quickly get me out of trouble. I've had friends marvel about my ability to walk up to complete strangers and within a few minutes we're talking like old friends and they'll believe the outlandish shit I say.

One night me and some buddies were driving around and met up with a car full of girls. One of the girls (Let's call her Secretariat) was very vocal, actually it was more like she was braying or whatever the fuck it is horses do. Her parents should've entered her in The Preakness. She was far from attractive, unless you were a mare. A very lonely mare.

Anyways Secretariat was braying and stomping the ground like an angry mule while the humans talked, obviously she was upset because no one would give her an apple and stroke her muzzle. These actions were not lost on me and I saw an easy mark to fuck with so I struck up a conversation.

Me: Hey
Secretariat: I think she whinied or some damn thing. At the very least she wagged her tail.

Me: Did you know I used to play for the Houston Rockets? (For those of you that have never met me I'm 6'7"...I can get away with outlandish lies like that)
Secretariat: Bullshit.

Me: No. Seriously. You can look it up. I'm on suspension from the league because we were going to Japan to play some exhibition games and they found cocaine in my luggage. The whole thing got kind of buried in the media because Steve Howe was busted for drugs again and I was just a foot note.
Secretariat: Really? You are pretty tall. Who are your friends?

(It was about the time Secretariat started showing interest I decided that maybe we should get the hell away. Like right now. Before she got in a rutting frame of mind with me as a target. That would be bad.)

I was able to herd my buddies back in the car and make our escape much to their chagrin. The other girls were actually cute, but I had to deal with the loud horse that was apparently the designated cock blocker. Like they had to designate her for that....genetics had granted her that role many years before. Her ugly personality just cemented her position.